Saturday, March 26, 2016

Storyville: racy rumors of romance and risque inside the GOP nomination of ill repute

If someone told me that Ted Cruz was caught digging up coffins in old cemetaries to remove wedding rings from corpses I would consider it a grave possibility. But if someone told me Ted Cruz was making room for sexy time in bathrooms and closets (or wherever) with three to five (or more) different campaign trail sirens I would be very skeptical.

Any weird sweaty splooge drenched orgy that could involve Ted Cruz in any way - even if it involved hypnosis or powerful narcotics or the Russian Mob - seems like something out of a dumb Hollywood movie wherein a Barnabas Collins impersonator takes a rented limo full of strippers to the prom.

But what if it did happen as the National Enquirer is alleging.

Friday, March 25, 2016

Bean Slime

Donald J. Trump isn't going to sit idly by while some little son-of-a-Canadian-mudskipper like Ted Cruz uses his wife Melanija as some kind of cheesecake cudgel to frighten the excitable pecksniffs of Christendom into casting calumnious aspersions upon the potential future first lady's estimable character.

The Donald has therefore issued an executive sounding communique via his Twitter uplink warning that any future torts will be answered with equally messy retorts.

Thursday, March 17, 2016

More Cowbell

Last time I checked (Wednesday, November 11, 2015) Ben Carson was talking gibberish. And still is as of as of March 14, 2016 when he was apparently roused from a nap with bathrobe Jesus (when did Ben Carson move to South Beach?) long enough to proclaim Donald Trump a deep thinker and voice of the people and reassure anyone who cared one way or another that he and Donald had buried the hammer and he had absolved The Donald of any sins and trespasses he may have committed previously. As any good high-minded Christianist would do.

Trump thanked Dr. Ben for his forgiving reawakening: "Having (Carson's) support, really, it just adds total credence to what I'm trying to do and to what we're all trying to do," said the always humble Donald.

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