Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Birth of a Swamp

The Trump Clan Swamp Project is apparently stuck in its own muck these days. Garden State Bridge Troll Chris Christie - and his team of transition booth toll attendants - who had been assigned the task of bridging the great span between now and January 20th has been handed his traffic cone and sent back to Dumbthwacket in his overalls.

Jared Kushner, president-elect (with asterisk) Pussygrabber's son-in-law, has been reasigned the task of transitioning The Brand from Fifth Avenue to Pennsylvania Avenue and as of this writing the project appears to be (if reporting is accurate) in the risk matrix assesment stage.

Estimating the potential trauma caused by the Christie bridge collapse (anything from negligible to catastropic) is difficult to ascertain at this time given the conflicting communications coming not only from the Trump Collaborative control tower in Midtown Manhattan but from panicked onlookers and assistants close to the scene. .

Newly assigned Bloc Kleagle Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III and a team of salt-of-the-earth experts from The Heartland, led by Vice Regent for National Heraldry, Mike Pence, may be arriving shortly to help restore order; setting up mobile transition triage units that will assist with risk management and assessment needs and evaluate degrees of urgency as they become necessary.

New transition team members as well as spokepersons for The Brand have been dircted to wear new hats that read "So Much Winning You Won't Believe It!" as a means of dispelling any rumors that suggest there isn't as much actual winning taking place as some (((media))) may have you believe.

Official Trump Team Public Relations doormat Kellyanne Conway landed briefly beneath the gold Trump Tower marquee on Fifth Avenue to answer any questions that didn't require any actual answers and to dispell any false rumors that may suggest otherwise. Holding a magic wand - and smiling like a direct-entry midwife updating an anxious waiting room on the progress of the first stages of labor - Kellyanne reassured all those concerned that the new Trump administration would arrive happy, healthy, and gurgling; and right on time with all the normal sized digits exactly where they are supposed to be. Yay. And then she waved the wand in the air before her and fluttered back into Trump Tower like a pigeon returning to its dovecoat.

Trump Verwaltung Strategic Master Plan Anfuhrer, Steven Bannon, could not be reached for comment but sources close to the Family Tower in Midtown indicate that a torchlight parade celebrating the TRUMP ascension to power - and currently scheduled for Thanksgiving Day in New York City - may need to be moved forward (perhaps to Christmas Eve) as a result of continuing chaos, difficulties, uncertainties, concerns, !!!smooth!!! develpments surrounding the ongoing winning, so much winning, transition.

Rudy Giuliani, a senior consigliere to Robert Mercer's P2 Hedge Fund Lodge, and current Lunar Colony visionary Newt Gingrich, both currently awaiting further instruction at a Manhattan steak house, would not speak with reporters about any possible deployments that may be forthcoming from the "Hive of Activity" in Midtown. Both did however re-emphasize the need to remain obiedient and faithful to the Trump Family's abilities to address complex transition tasks in an orderly and professional manner consistent with the Trump Brand's elite global status and reputation for excellence in all matters everywhere at all the times no matter what you might hear from the lying media and other affiliated losers. So there.

Lastly: Newly appointed Chief of Staff Reince Priebus reportedly spent the day transitioning into his new role in the Trump organization, which, according to insiders close to insiders, includes fetching golf balls, rolling over on command, and sitting quietly on a plush double-stacked bolster bed located on the floor in front of the President-elect's favorite TV dinner table.

And that's the way it was; Wednesday, November 16th, 2016

Random News Picks