Trump, the perlocutionary effect

What follows might make the hair on the back of your neck stand up if you happen to live or work in one of Trumps "vast holdings overseas."

CBS 60 Minutes / Scott Pelley interview with Donald Trump / Sept. 27, 2015:

Trump: ... And I deal with governments all the time. I have, overseas, I have vast holdings overseas.

Pelley: What is the role of the U.S. military in the world?

Donald Trump: I want to have a military that's so strong, so powerful, so modern, has the greatest equipment in the world and that everybody says, "We're not gonna mess with them." And we don't have that now.

I mean, a President of the United States that owns golf courses and buildings and hotels in Turkey and Dubai and Panama, the Philippines and Israel. Not to mention holdings in New York, Chicago, Atlanta and so on. Can you imagine what kind of a target those holdings would become in the event Trump were to become the next President of the United States. Each one would become a destination for trophy hunting terrorists of all kinds. Exactly the kind of people who might decide to "mess with them."

Another sign of the city’s growing appetite for luxury real estate was the launch, last year, of the US$400 million twin-tower complex Trump Istanbul, the firm’s first foray into the European market. Situated in the commercial heart of the cultural capital, the project will include some 204 apartments, ranging in price from US$600,000 to US$6 million. - [Source / July 2013]

I wouldn't want to live or work in a building with the President of the United States' name over the door especially if that president was someone as antagonistic as Trump... not in this day and age.

If there is one good reason for Trump to give up his vain attempt to win the presidency it might be to spare all those people who live in, work in and visit his "vast holdings" around the world the possibility that they might one day become sitting ducks in a high value target simply because the shiny twenty foot high block letters bolted to the building scream TRUMP.

This is one reason why politicians - and not tactless international celebrity real estate playboys - should manage government.

The Weeping Boehner of Butler County

What is it with John Boehner? He's like one of those miraculous weeping statues you hear about every so often. The Holy Office needs to look into this.

Many of you are probably already familiar with the Weeping Boehner of Butler County statue located at Waterworks Park in Fairfield, Ohio. Sure ya are. It is, after all, a cultural feature park. But in case you aren't... here (above) is a photo of it.

~|| UPDATE ||~
No miracle, just a kick in the stomach. House Speaker John "Hell No You Can’t!" Boehner to resign at the end of October:

Boehner, who capped his career with Thursday’s address by Pope Francis, met with a handful of the most conservative Republicans after the papal address to lay out his plan to fund the government. But those rebels continued to agitate and threaten to force a vote at sometime in the near future to vacate his speakership.

[...]

Boehner’s departure is rooted in deep conservative discontent with the way he has handle [sic] his majority — in particular, what they have seen as an unwillingness to stand up to President Obama.

[...]

The resignation will end a nearly five-year reign as speaker, allowing House Republicans to approve a short-term government funding bill that will avert a shutdown of federal agencies. Boehner’s hold on the speaker’s gavel had grown increasingly unsteady amid threats from more than 30 Republicans that they would force a no-confidence vote in his speaker’s position, ...

Following Boehner’s announcement, House Republicans said there was agreement to pass a clean spending bill to avert a government shutdown. Several members of the Freedom Caucus, the conservative group which led the revolt against Boehner’s leadership, said they will now support the spending bill without demands to defund Planned Parenthood attached to it.

[...]

Rep. Kevin Cramer (R-N.D.) said Boehner made his announcement by talking about it as part of a “healing process,” closing by praying the Prayer of St. Francis, the papal namesake.

“His crowning accomplishment as speaker happened yesterday, and it was obviously a reflective time,” said Kramer, who called the announcement a “kick in the stomach.” ~ (Washington Post, 9/25/15)

So, his crowning accomplishment was a kick in the stomach? I guess that's a compliment, coming from the "Freedom Caucus"... or what Rush Limbaugh would refer to as the Freedom Caucasians.

“John Boehner dedicated his life to public service. Bringing the Holy Father to Congress was a fitting cap to a great career,” Jeb Bush tweeted.

Boehner will return to Italy with Pope Francis where he will be provided a humble caretaker cottage overlooking Lake Albano. He will live out his days raking sand traps on the Castel Gondolpho Country Club golf course and tending bar at the nearby Castel Gondolpho Hotel.

And that's that. Now, you may go in peace.

Additional Reading:

} John Boehner's Legacy Is That He Doesn't Really Have One - by David Corn, Mother Jones

} No Tears For John Boehner - Booman Tribune

Trump Rally - Madison Square Garden

( Must click on image above for larger, full size, view )
Program Highlights from Monday evening's event.

First to speak was James Wheeler-Hill:

My Fellow Christian Americans! It is my privilege to welcome you to this impressive patriotic mass demonstration.... [...] Speaking for myself, much to my regret, I must confess that we are utterly and completely disregarding the Admonition of George Washington TODAY.

There is more than ample evidence in support of this contention! Let us reason from FACTS that cannot be challenged: Who will deny the spread of radicalism with its inspired class hatred, racial sectionalism, political abuses, its moral erosion and subsequent disintegration of our national unity in thought, decision and action. ??? Who is NOT familiar with the billion-dollar yardstick that is required to measure the stupendous total of our national public debt. The billions of dollars spent in excess of our national income: have they done away with the pitiful relief situation after six years? - Have they put back to work 12 million unemployed that are walking the streets of our - the richest nation in the world? Have there not been passionate attacks on other nations? Have we forgotten the President's Chicago speech...

Next, George Froboese of Milwaukee, Wisconsin addressed the rally and denounced Roosevelt for burning "hogs and corn" He also warned of "utopian 'Ham and Egg' plans" and "international Marxist... preaching of Class Warfare." Adding: "The Works Progress Administration, the W.P.A., according to our judgment amounts to a WORKERS PROLETARIZATION ARRANGEMENT, and in effect a political voting machine which has all the characteristics of a demoralizing force enslaving all employees of this and similar alphabetical, Governmental agencies."

Fritz Kuhn was next and spoke out against the "trash" entertainment industry and demanded the media give "the people... the voice of American without the accent." He spoke to those present about the need for unity, referring to them as the "silent majority," and the need to resist those who want to denounce them for their patriotic beliefs. Kuhn:

Many of you assembled here to pay tribute to the memory of George Washington can testify to the reign of terror through which you passed during the World War as citizens of the country. The time certainly was at hand for some one to take the lead in protesting against conditions amounting practically to terrorism, spiritual oppression and denial of justice. The... Bund gratefully took up the task of uniting... in a bond of mutual interest and protection, and it feels itself the true representative of the silent majority of its co-racials in the cultural, economic and political field.

From the day this organization was formed and attracted public attention, it had to... fight to a decision. An unprecedented campaign of hate and defamation set in.... via the so-called Free Press, the radio and the cinema. We have a theoretical constitutional right to the use of these public facilities to defend our good name and refute accusations, but alas, my friends: the press, the radio, and the cinema are in the hands of Jews [Liberals! Socialists! Muslims! Freemasons! Etc! Etc!]... and like outspoken patriots, we are hindered [by political correctness!] in our right to refute silly charges that would not stand up in court under cross-examination.

[... excerpts ...]

If you ask what we are actively fighting for... I will here repeat the declaration I made public some time ago:

~ Immediate cessation of the dumping of all political "refugees" on the shores of the United States.

~ Thorough cleaning of the Hollywood film industries of all alien, subversive activities.

~ Cessation of all abuse of the freedom of the pulpit, press, radio and stage.

~ A return of our Government to the policies of George Washington: Aloofness from foreign entanglements. Severance of all connections with the League of Nations.

That is our program. Take it or leave it. If you approve and wish to make your influence felt - for alone you are powerless - the Bund is open to you, provided you are sincere, of good character... and an American Citizen imbued with patriotic zeal!

FREE AMERICA!

Donald Trump finished the program, speaking for only five or six minutes, but reminding the audience that he was very smart and popular and wealthy and knew how to make deals and would construct a Maginot style wall across the southern border to keep the Latin Papists, Mexicali bootleggers and traveling donkey shows out of the United States. He told them he loved George Washington more than you would believe and George Washington would certainly have loved him too. He urged the audience to read his books and to ring Rand Paul up on the stick phone some time soon and tell him that he is a silly little midget and a loser. Then he fielded questions from the audience.

More From Inside The Washington Chestnut

TWC Exclusive! Secret Muslim training video leaked to TWC. Rare look inside Warm Springs training compound.


President Roosevelt, seen clearly in video, participating in training exercises.

Watch That First Step, It's A Doozy

The Rubble Of Mendacity

Jeb Bush: "When it comes to my brother, there's one thing I know for sure. He kept us safe."

Chris Christie: “America was safe for those seven years, and Barack Obama has taken that safety away from us.”

Charlie Pierce:

The best example came from the inexplicably employed Jennifer Rubin, who took to her space in the inexplicably still publishing Washington Post op-ed pre-school to argue the following,...

"Unlike Obama's tenure, there was no successful attack on the homeland after 9/11."

...the presidency of George W. Bush began on September 12, 2001, that he arose, full-grown, from the rubble of lower Manhattan.

[...]

Thus do we confront what we can call The Great Mulligan, which is granted by the dimmer lights in the chandelier to the president and to the national security team — Hi, Condi! — who presided over the most massive intelligence failure in American history, and over the greatest loss of life to an enemy attack on American soil since everybody hugged it out at Appomattox. (Charles Pierce - "The Great Mulligan" Esquire April 24, 2013)

Ronald W. Reagan: “We did not — repeat, did not — trade weapons or anything else for hostages, nor will we.”

Ronald W. Reagan: “A few months ago, I told the American people I did not trade arms for hostages, my heart and my best intentions still tell me that’s true, but the facts and the evidence tell me it is not.”

"Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence." - John Adams (December 1770).

CNN Republican Debate: Winged Nuts

Drudge Poll Gives Fiorina a Bump / The Donald Escapes With Minor Injuries

Carly Fiorina took a couple of shots at the Trump hot air balloon during Wednesday nights CNN Republican debate. Not quite a Dick Cheney shoot'em in the face moment for the The Carly but she nevertheless appeared to wing The Donald with her comeback to his earlier "look at her face" zinger.

Fiorina fired off her response: "I think women all over this country heard very clearly what Mr. Trump said." The audience cheered her retort - [audience thought bubble] hit him again with the metal folding chair! [/audience thought bubble] - and Trump responded by appealing for mercy with a compliment which no-one really believes is sincere: “I think she’s got a beautiful face, and I think she’s a beautiful woman!”

Yeah yeah. Sure you do.

In any event you could hear the birdshot pinging off the propane tanks in The Donald's swingin' balloon basket - if you know what I mean - winged but not waned. No explosion, no fireball, with the Trump balloon careening to earth or crashing into a high voltage power line as millions of horrified viewers watch... live on TV. Or anything else fun like that. No moment of final blood splattered retaliation wherein Carly lunges from her perch and lands upon the wounded Donald. Driving a pointy stake through the back of his melting fiberglass hair and into his roasted skull as some (Rush Limbaugh) had speculated would happen prior to the big main event.

Carly the Compaqt Killer:

RUSH: Okay, in the first debate we heard that it was donors sent out the command to candidates to take Trump out. It didn't happen. It looked like the network did. Now the word has gone out that Carly Fiorina has been instructed to take Trump out, given that he made negative comments about her face. He's got her on the debate stage, a woman. So that's the next thing. That that's a prognostication: "Carly is there take Trump out!" This is the stuff floating around. ~ SEE: Rush Limbaugh, An Odd Feeling About the Debate

Yes, stuff floating around, like in a hot air balloon. But whatever word went out - from wherever the words come out from - the coup de grace amounted to little more than some excitable flapping and sniping and general overall eye rolling. Or whatever.

As of this morn the "Drudge Poll" still has Trump running well in front of the rest of the dogs in the race although Fiorina appears to be nipping at his heels. No doubt as a consequence of the debate.

"**DRUDGE POLL** WHO WON THE 2ND REPUBLICAN DEBATE '16?"

If there was a big loser in any of this nonsense it may have been the vegetarian (JUST LIKE HITLER!) sleepy Jesus, Ben Carson, who said that he'd like his Secret Service codename to be "One Nation".

Good answer Ben, sounds like: "One Nation... Under God? I get it. But how about something a little more you. Like "General Anesthesia" - that about sums it up.

Jindal Fade Away

On September 10, 2015 Bobby Jindal spoke to the National Press Club. He said this:

"Like all narcissists, Donald Trump is insecure and weak, and afraid of being exposed. And that’s why he is constantly telling us how big and how rich and how great he is, and how insignificant everyone else is. We’ve all met people like Trump, and we know that only a very weak and small person needs to constantly tell us how strong and powerful he is. Donald Trump believes that he is the answer to every question."

Ok, fine, so lets say Trump stands guilty as accused. But wait a minute, isn't Bobby Jindal one of those ideological movement conservatives who is constantly reminding all of us how big and strong and manly and rich and good and right and powerful and exceptional and great America really is? A God-ordained dominion of righteous, star-spangled nonpareil, exceptionals borne astride the galloping white steed of history. Isn't he one of those? A swami of freedom trumpeting the good news despite all those weakling PC liberals (or worse yet, anyone swallowed by the darkness of the "Democrat" Party) that are always tearing America down and leading from behind women's skirts and fixing fast the chains of tyranny - who won't stand up for America and the ideal of 100% American exceptionalism.

Sure he is. He had this to say about President Obama: "The President does not believe that America is exceptional because he does not understand why America is exceptional. (Op-Ed, By Bobby Jindal and Jim Talent, Mon October 6, 2014)

And this about everyone else: “Let’s show our allies, as well as our enemies, that we mean business,” Jindal said. (Cedar Falls, Iowa, June 2015)

"...only a very weak and small person needs to constantly tell us how strong and powerful he is."

Here's the cover of Jindal's book "Leadership and Crisis".

Jindal is surrounded by tough guys (because he's a tough guy too!) - leading tough guys (just like him!) somewhere, presumably to do tough guy stuff. Reminding readers "how strong and powerful he is."

Bobby Jindal's book cover uses this photo because Bobby Jindal's handlers and consultants know that he looks like a high school algebra teacher who couldn't beat up an egg with an egg beater.



And because he is insecure about his public image - he wants everyone to know that he's a tough guy.

A tough guy like General Douglas MacArthur returning to the Philippines.

See the resemblance to the book cover photo above?

I do.




Maybe he should change the name of his book to Leadership and Marketing.

Here's a couple of photos of Bobby with some guns (from his Facebook page) to help remind us that he is a tough gun-slinging badass and not some pointy headed gun-shy weakling who spends his time bustling about the office fretting over luncheon schedules or signing up for online classes from the Mises Academy.

Here's Jindal admiring a shotgun. He is pleased, tonight the family will feast on feral hog.







And here's a photo (below) of Bobby and his wife Supriya at a target range. Or preparing to rob a bank in Okabena.

Maybe both.

Jindal isn't alone. Scott Walker feels the need to remind everyone he owns a Harley - because, of course, tough guys own Harleys. And titled his own book Unintimidated to to make sure everyone knows that he isn't just some wussy political career bureaucrat with a bald spot and the face of a guy who looks like he just got done tangling with a bottle of peppermint schnapps and a phial of Xanax.

Here's Scott shaking hands with a biker. Don't mess with Scott or he'll ride into Milwaukee on his Road King with his gang of bros - the Koch Puppets - and strip the terrorists who build Harley Davidson motorcycles of their collective bargaining rights.
Poser.



Some guy named Matthew Corrigan wrote a book titled Conservative Hurricane: How Jeb Bush Remade Florida. Which almost no-one has ever heard of. Does anyone really think of of Jeb! as a hurricane? Really? Maybe a tropical depression, but not a hurricane, no way. Which is why Jebs! campaign is bogged down on the trail like a jackass pulling a whorehouse through a hurricane.

Dick Cheney and Lynn Cheney, who apparently have managed to coalesce into a single unified creature, a sneering singularity of stupid if you like, wrote a book titled Exceptional: Why the World Needs a Powerful America. That may be the case in many circumstances, but - if there is one thing I think the whole world would agree upon - is that it doesn't need a powerful Dicklynn Cheney loosed upon it ever - again.

~::~::~::~::~
USA Number One! - USA Number One!

"You’ll be sorry that you messed with The U.S. of A. `Cause we`ll put a boot in your ass, It`s the American way." ~ Toby Keith, Red White and Blue

Sean Hannity, the yappy TV and radio show host, loved that line about putting a "boot in your ass." He used it for years on his radio show as an opening song clip. Because Sean Hannity is a tough guy too. And needs to constantly remind us of it lest we think he's just another impotent middle aged milksop yammering into a microphone all day long.

"The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots." - H.L. Mencken

A mighty howling narcissistic braggart nation, par excellence, standing at the right hand of God. Isn't that the "conservative" ideal? And isn't anyone who rejects such bombastic chauvinism denounced as a weak and powerless appeaser? A captive to the culture of victimhood cowering before manly American Exceptionalism.

Maybe Bobby Jindal should remember that Donald Trump is nothing more than an synthesis of bombastic patriotic zealotry, ambition, and demagoguery.

A self-made outsider politician who appeals to the emotional temperament of a political party base weaned on a relentless regimen of acrimonious rightwing media spew composed almost entirely of puerile appeals to fear and prejudice and ignorance. Donald Trump is simply the collective conglomerate of all that is brash and stupid and politically incorrect as a consequence. The accidental toxic leader. A conflagration made in America by 100% Conservative Americans.

Bobby Jindal's destined to fail presidential bid (assigned to the "kiddie table" debate at this point) is nothing more than so much dried up driftwood to be consumed by the conflagration. If he thinks he's going to put it out by pissing into the fire whirl he's probably wasting his precious bodily fluids. Jindal should follow General Douglas MacArthur's example following his retreat from Corregidor: announce "I came through and I shall return" and go back to Baton Rouge where he can resume pissing on school teachers and fondling his peashooter until the 2020 campaign gets underway.

By that time the country will have had enough of president Pataki's exceptionalism.

The Magic Donald

In 1959 author Terry Southern's novel "The Magic Christian" was published by British publisher André Deutsch Ltd. Southern's novel was later (1969) made into a movie starring Peter Sellers as August Guy Grand - the story's main character.

Sir Guy Grand was an eccentric billionaire who acquired his fortune in part from inheritance and in part from investments. He owned and occupied The Grand Investment Building, or Grand's, in Manhattan.

Is any of this beginning to sound at least a little bit familiar? Consider this:

< Trump Tower NYC

Grand becomes a prankster; orchestrating eloborate schemes, designed primarily for his own amusement, in order to get a reaction out of people or coax them into behaving foolishly. Page 10 of The Magic Christian gets to the gist of it:

"For one thing, he was the last of the big spenders; and for another, he had a very unusual attitude towards people - he spent about ten million a year in, as he expressed it himself, 'making it hot for them.'"


Becoming more obvious isn't it.

A blogger named David Seaton has already covered this ground when he asked the question "Is Donald Trump The Magic Christian?" (Saturday, August 22, 2015).


Seaton draws from Wiki entries summarizing "The Magic Christian" including a summary of the pranks Guy Grand orchestrates for his own amusement. Which is what I'm going to do as well, except, I'm going to preface each one with a Donald Trump comparison. See if any of this sounds familiar. Ok, off we go:


1 - The Donald is an odd billionaire who does not mind losing large sums of money running for President if he has a good time doing it and a few laughs along the way. He frequently reminds his audience that other candidates are beholden to lobbyists and/or deep pocketed individuals and all of this has its price.

"Guy Grand is an odd billionaire who spends most of his time playing elaborate practical jokes on people. A big spender, he does not mind losing large sums of money to complete strangers if he can have a good laugh. All his escapades are designed to prove his theory that everyone has their price—it just depends on the amount one is prepared to pay them."

2 - The Donald produces a "Reality TV" show where contestants (frequently celebrities) compete for his favor as potential apprentices in one of his business operations. The audience tunes in to watch "the moment" where Trump himself choses who will win and who will lose by proclaiming "you're fired" to the contestant who doesn't make the cut.

"Grand pays the actor playing a surgeon in a live television soap opera to deviate from the script, comment in drastic terms on the bad quality of the show, and walk off the set. Other actors follow in later weeks, in the same way, until critics begin to praise the show's "bold, innovative comedy" and the viewing audience comes to watch for "the moment" when an actor will break the fourth wall and leave the set."

3 - The Donald, when asked if he'd consider appointing Sarah Palin to a position within a Trump administration, responded: “I’d love that.” And, speaking of raucous chattering squirrels...:

"Grand secretly buys a respectable New York advertising agency, installs a pygmy as its president and has him "scurry about the offices like a squirrel and chatter raucously in his native tongue" in front of all the top executive staff and their prominent clients."

4 - The Donald endorses a line of cologne, perfume and eau de toilette spray called Success by Trump. I have never met a single human who ever applied the stuff to themselves so I can not tell you if it competes with a bathroom malodor or a hopper full of rotten eggs.

[Grand] "...then buys a cosmetics company and launches a big promotional campaign for a new shampoo which, as it turns out in the end, has a very detrimental effect on those who use it. A supposedly pheromone-based scent produced by the same company turns out to be a time-release stink bomb, causing wearers to smell horrible some hours after spraying it on."

5 - The Donald loves to Twitter. The Donald also spawned two failed wealthporn magazine ventures: Trump World and Trump.

"A newspaper under Grand's control first begins to add foreign language passages and perverse commentary to articles, then changes to reporting simply dry facts, then to printing only hate mail received by subscribers."

6 - The Donald's sons go on a safari: "Their dad likes shooting from the lip, but the Trump kids prefer shooting wild animals with guns." (NY Daily News)

"Grand takes a vacation, showing up to an African safari with three natives carrying an unmounted howitzer, and firing it at game animals."

7 - The Donald builds casinos. He also says he knows how to build a wall.

"Grand buys a huge downtown vacant lot in a major city. He then has a three foot brick wall built around the perimeter and fills it with feces and offal into which bills of all denominations have been mixed. He then takes pleasure watching immaculately dressed people defiling themselves by braving the stench, and ruining their clothing and dignity, by wading through the muck for the bills."

8 - The Donald makes no secret of his views on who should and who should not be allowed to remain aboard the USS American Dream.

"Grand's final adventure takes place on board the S.S. Magic Christian, a remodeled luxury liner catering only to the super-rich. He first arbitrarily rejects several Social Register favorites for passage, sending them into a furor, then the ship's crew treat the selected passengers harshly. Grand himself responds to the requests from notables for passage. One of the best is when an Italian contessa lists her family history and her qualifications, and Grand rejects her by writing, "No Wops" across the top, and returning it to her."

"My favorite book is the Bible" Donald Trump told a rally audience in Mobile, Alabama in late August. "The Bible! The Bible. ... We take the Bible all the way," said Trump, according to WaPo's Robert Costa via Twitter.

I don't believe Donald Trump when he says that his favorite book is the Bible.

CNN: the Cable Nonsense Network | This Sunday on Sate of the Union

Join Jake Tapper and guests for a lively discussion and debate on important topics that interest all Americans.

This Sunday: Influential representative of the conservative clerisy, Victoria Jackson, joins Jake to discuss European Central Bank monetary policy and the Greek debt crisis.

Also scheduled to appear: Osama bin Laden impersonator Phil Robertson will speak out about his Biblical scientific theory that sexually transmitted diseases are a direct consequence of the passage of the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938 and the repeal of laws prohibiting women from "promenading in bathing suits or sitting on railings."

Later in the show CNN analyst Lord Jeffrey of Dauphin will join Jake to discuss the ongoing plot to Latinize American culture. Including Pope Francis's papist influence on the process, Paul Simon's latest performance of Me and Julio Down By The Schoolyard and the long term objectives of the Learned Elders of Nueva España who direct the Mexican fast food invasion of America (among other things) from a secret cemetery located somewhere on the ancient Isthmus of Darien.

So tune in every Sunday morning at 9am & noon to learn more very serious important things all very serious Americans should learn more about.

Thank you CNN for keeping America even more informed about important issues than it was last week when Jake Tapper spoke with Sarah Palin about becoming the next US Secretary of Energy in a Trump administration (albeit, if only for a month or two).

I can hardly wait for next week when multiple marriage activist Kim Davis visits Jake for a lively discussion on the dangers inherent in issuing drivers licenses to homosexuals. God bless America.

10 insults and disrespectful put-downs for Donald Trump to use on the campaign trail

1 - Carly Fiorina. What's with that face? She looks like a tree shrew! She'll probably lay-off all the White House information technology support personnel on her first day, the calligraphers on her second, and close the the White House Historical Association bookstore her third. She'll spend the rest of the week chasing after bugs in the Rose Garden bushes. Save the dirt shrew? I don't think so.

2 - Ben Carson. What's with the whispering Jesus hushed tone bedroom voice thing? He sounds like one of those doctors that's going to stick it to you after he puts you to sleep. Then its bing! bing! know what I mean? You wake up and your brain stem has been removed and sold to a Chinese restaurant.

3 - Jeb! What's with the ! bing-boing-bong thing at the end of his name? What is he trying to do with that, corral the OK! magazine subscriber vote? He should change his name to Dud!

4 - What's with this Jindal person. The guy looks like a turkey leg that got left in the oven too long. Who wants an overcooked turkey leg running around the White House? He should go back to performing exorcisms on epileptics... or whatever nutty brand of hoodoo it is that he's into.

5 - Rand Paul, excuse me, but the Secret Service would have to cart you around in a Ergobaby sport carrier and install a booster seat in the presidential limo just so you could see out the window. You don't have a chance to be president, just go back to your backyard plastic slide and spoiled child playground set in Kentucky.

6 - Lindsey Graham, who is this guy? His poll numbers are like a state at which a cooled gas reaches its minimum value... absolute zero. He's to John McCain what Clyde Tolson was to J. Edgar Hoover.

7 - Chris Christie, he's like a Macy's parade balloon that got loose and crashed into the George Washington Bridge. He should be rolled up and sent back to Trenton or better yet find a new line of work... like standing in front of a salt water taffy shop in Seaside wearing a sandwich board.

8 - Mike Huckabee. Excuse me, I love the Bible, it's my favorite book, but wow, this Huckabee character, he'd turn the White House south lawn into a combination tent revival and camphor cure-oil bazaar and serve boiled squirrel snack wraps at state dinners. He probably believes that passing a baby through the outer rind of a hollowed wheel of cheese the day before baptism will secure the blessing of a prosperous life. I'm pretty sure the guy carries an acorn around in his pocket to ward off hair loss.

9 - Scott Walker? Where is he in the polls? He's a zilch. The Koch's need to buy themselves a new pocket dog. Huckabee should loan him an acorn. He's looks like a monastic friar with Bell's palsy.

10 - John Kasich? I don't know anything about him - except he worked for Lehman Brothers as I recall and I think we all know how that went - but I love Ohio, I love the Buckeyes, and Wright-Patterson Air Force Base, I really love the aerospace people - because as you know I'm a very successful person with a fleet of aircraft of my own - and the people of Ohio love me. If I'm elected president I will send John Kasich a Valentines Day card and a Success By Trump gift set which he'll have in time for my inauguration ceremonies in January.

++

11 - Ted Cruz. I like Ted. Ted likes me. He's behind me 100%. But I'd like to see an original copy of his application renouncing his Canadian birth citizenship before I ask him to be my VP. I'm also thinking, when I'm President, of appointing Joe Farah to the Supreme Court.

12 - Marco Rubio? I like Marco. He seems like a nice kid. Kind of a weakling but I think he'll have a bright future after he graduates from high school. What? He's how old? I don't believe it. I'd have to see his original long form birth certificate before I believe it. He looks like the kid from the lobby who brings me the Financial Times every morning.

Appeasment: Trump Signs Political Correctness Pledge!

Caves to Elite Republican Party Establishment Insiders.

Donald Trump, the metrosexual celebrity billionaire running for the Republican presidential nomination, announced today that he would sign an RNC oath of loyalty to the Republican Party wherein he pledges not to run as an independent third party presidential candidate during the 2016 race. Trump had indicated earlier that he would not sign such a pledge but powerful elite insider influence cronies in Washington have evidently persuaded him otherwise.

By kneeling before the forces of political correctness -- manifest in one of the most famous political correctness edicts of all time: Ronald Reagan's 11th Commandment "thou shalt not speak ill of any fellow Republican" (which wasn't really Ronald Reagan's, some guy named Gaylord Parkinson made it up, but in any case) -- Trump has allowed himself to be shackled to the political correctness ball and chain.

CNN: Priebus asked the real estate magnate to tone down his fiery rhetoric on immigration, as establishment Republicans grew increasingly worried that Trump was angering the Hispanic community.

After a fifteen minute "sitdown" with RNC Chairman Reince Priebus Trump placed his name upon the sacred politically correct document thereby sealing his appeasment in writing and agreeing to his overseer's demands like a Mexican yard worker in a day labor line. "Si Senor Preebis."

"I, Donald J. Trump, affirm that if I do not win the 2016 Republican nomination for President of the United States I will endorse the 2016 Republican presidential nominee regardless of who it is," it reads. I further pledge that I will not seek to run as an independent or write-in candidate nor will I seek or accept the nomination for president of any other party."

Trump, for his part, appeared pleased with The Deal. What did he get in exchange for his surrender?:

ABC NEWS: "Absolutely nothing," Trump said. "Just the assurance that I’ll be treated fairly.”

Trump: "I will be totally pledging my allegiance to the Republican Party and for the conservative principles for which it stands."

Sigh. George Washington would never have cowered and bowed in the face of such adversity. Can you imagine George Washington toning down his revolutionary rhetoric or pledging fealty to the Crown just because some sniveling little Tory loyalist functionary demanded it?

Donald Trump however... he'll never make it up the Potomac in his great, tacky, noisy, now politically neutered pirate ship of pomposity - never happen.
What a TOTAL LOSER!

It's Munich all over again.

Obama picks a funny word for a mountain and hilarity ensues

Here's a headline from some silly wingnut at some outpost calling itself the IJ Review:

Yeah, Obama just chose a funny word for a mountain. Funny also too how the word he chose for the mountain just happens to be located in something called 'Denali' National Park. What are the odds? Just a coincidence I'm sure. I also noticed this item below which appears on the menu for Prospectors Pizzeria & Alehouse, Denali National Park, Alaska. (www.denaliparksalmonbake.com/Website-Denali-Pizza/menu.html)

A sure indicator of the extent to which the Latinization of western culture has metastasized. The next thing you know the Italians will be putting anchovies on our pizzas and the Joos will be moving in and putting salmon on bagels schmeared with cream cheese! What will we tell the children?

Poor McKinley. He wouldn't have known a margherita from a margarita. Of course, he never visited Alaska either. He was from Niles, Ohio. The highest mountain in Ohio is a pile of old tires outside of Akron.

~::~ FLORID BABBLE AHEAD ~::~

"Getting up here, I say it is the best road trip in America, soaring through nature's finest show. Denali, the great one, soaring under the midnight sun. And then the extremes. In the winter time it's the frozen road that is competing with the view of the ice-fogged frigid beauty. And then in the summertime, such extreme summertime, about 150 degrees better than just some months ago, than just months from now, with fireweed blooming along the frost heaves & merciless rivers that are rushing & carving & reminding us that here, Mother Nature wins. It is as throughout all Alaska, that big wild good life teeming along the road that is north to the future." ~ Makeshifty Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, July 26, 2009