Trump and Graham having a conversation on the golf course. Transcript of conversation below:
TRUMP: Lindsey, I like you. You're a great guy. Believe me, I think you're wonderful.
GRAHAM: I think you once called me a zero and a nut job and...
TRUMP: Listen to me Lindsey. Listen. Friends of mine - people - people I know tell me things, things about people, people like you. Friends from Miami Beach, or Palm Beach, or Brighton Beach, or some beach somewhere... it doesn't matter where the beach is. These people, and I know people, they tell me they found something of yours...
GRAHAM: What? What kind of thing did...
TRUMP: Excuse me, things. Things of yours. Things on the beach. Photo things. Photos of you. They said they came from the clouds - whatever that means.
GRAHAM: The clouds? You mean IT cloud, networking...
TRUMP: Excuse me. Excuse me. Yeah, the cloud. In the cloud. Whatever IT is. Photos of you, in the cloud. Or something. And I was just wondering if you might have some idea or suggestion as to what should be done with these things that dropped out of the cloud and right onto the beach in front of my friends. Where they picked them up and put them in their pockets like precious little sea shells.
GRAHAM: Uhmm, I see. Were any of these friends named...
TRUMP: Excuse me. I don't know who they are, they're just people. People with funny names like Boils and Shovelhead and The White Sturgeon. And Shovelhead had a picture of YOU wearing a pair of leather underpants and holding a frilly parasol and...
GRAHAM: Oh, jesus.
TRUMP: I especially like the one where you're on your hands and knees licking a cake and there's some guy dressed like a confederate cavalry officer poking at you with a...
GRAHAM: Oh please stop, please! Please, what do you want me...
TRUMP: Shut up. Stop crying. I told you I like you. Although that stuff in the picture with the barbie doll was pretty weird. I still like you. I'm sorry I said you were one of the dumbest human beings I’d ever seen. And this is your chance to prove you aren't.
GRAHAM: But that's not really...
TRUMP: Close enough for radio!
GRAHAM: Are you trying to tell me...
TRUMP: Excuse me. I'll bet it was a hell of a party too. I haven't been to a party like that since Roy died. What's Fire Island like these days anyway? Nevermind... what I'm telling you is you can have these things we have, I mean I have, I mean they have, I mean there are more. Plenty more where these came from - so...
GRAHAM: What do you want me... I can't...
TRUMP: Lindsey, get a hold of yourself, listen to me. All I want you to do is get that fucking English spook off of me and my kids. What's his name, Remington Steele...
GRAHAM: Christopher Steele...
TRUMP: Yeah, that one, Christopher Steele, the dossier guy. Make it all go away. Make it all go away and I'll make sure you're the president in 2020. Don't worry about Pence either. I'll make sure that dud won't bother you. He's a fraud. Did you know that he spent nearly fifteen large in campaign money buying Franklin Mint Life of Christ collector plates...
GRAHAM: Uh, no I didn't... Donald, what you are asking me...
TRUMP: I'm not asking, I'm telling. Do it! Make sure that yokel Grassley stays on board too. He's a part of that deep state religious cult out in Arlington that throws the National Prayer Breakfast shindig every year. Tell him he can hold it at Trump International in D.C. from now on - he can have the Presidential Ballroom! - and I'll comp the whole god damned thing until Jesus Christ himself marches up Pennsylvania Ave leading Jack Pershing's US Army Band Trumpet Ensemble if he just makes that fuckin' dossier stop doing whatever it's fuckin' doing!
GRAHAM: Sir? Are you sure I will be president? I mean...
TRUMP: Believe me. I'm sure. I've never been so sure. I know I once said that you couldn't get elected dog catcher in South Carolina but who would want to be a dog catcher in the first place? Not you. I know the best people when I see 'em and you've got that presidential sparkle. Believe me. You'll be the second best president in history. It'll be like me #1, you #2, and John C. Calhoun #3. Can I count on you? Lindsey! Swear to me I can count on you.
GRAHAM: Yes sir, Mr. President, you have my word, you can count on me.
TRUMP: Good job. You're a great guy Lindsey. Take your sea shells and finish your putt. Drop that bad boy down the drain and we'll get out of here.
Mine's a gimme so I'll wait in the cart.
GRAHAM: Thank you sir.
